Money imbalance in relationships (How to make your relationships and money work better)
There are a lot of ways that money can create an imbalance in relationships.
For example, one person may make significantly more money than the other, which can lead to feelings of inequality and resentment. Alternatively, one person may be better at managing money than the other, making one person feel like they have to juggle finances and handle all money-related duties constantly.
Money can also cause problems if couples have different spending habits. One person may be a spender while the other is a saver, leading to conflict over how to use or save money.
Additionally, debt can cause severe financial stress for couples – especially if only one partner is responsible for it.
If you’re dealing with money imbalances in your relationship, discussing it openly and honestly with your partner is essential. Trying to hide financial problems or keep money secrets will only worsen things in the long run. Instead, work together to develop a plan to get on the same page financially. This may involve creating a budget, getting help from a financial planner, or making other changes to how you handle money as a couple.
Read on to hear how you can start solving money imbalances in your relationship.
How money can affect relationships
While many factors can affect relationships, money is often one of the most significant. Money can impact relationships in several ways, both positive and negative.
On the positive side, financial security can provide couples stability and peace of mind. This can be especially important during difficult times, such as when illness strikes or a financial emergency arises. Having adequate resources can help couples weather these storms and come out stronger on the other side.
On the negative side, money can also lead to tension and arguments if couples are not on the same page about their finances. One person may be a spender while the other is a saver, or one may have debts that the other does not feel comfortable with. These differences can lead to conflict if they are not addressed and resolved healthily.
How to solve money issues in a relationship
Money can be both a blessing and a curse in relationships. It is essential to communicate openly with your partner about your financial goals and expectations to help avoid potential problems down the road.
Money is one of the most significant sources of stress in relationships, so it’s important to have a plan for how you’ll handle it. Here are a few tips:
1. Talk about money early and often. Don’t wait until there’s a problem to start discussing finances. The earlier you start talking, the easier it will be to resolve any issues.
2. Be honest with each other. If one of you has more debt than the other, or if one of you earns more, be honest about it. Trying to hide financial problems will only worsen them in the long run.
3. Set some ground rules. Decide how much each person can spend without consulting the other, how you’ll handle joint expenses, and so on. Having a plan will help avoid fights down the road.
4. Make a budget. This will help you track your spending and ensure everyone is on the same page.
5. Talk about your financial goals. Do you want to save up for a house? Retire early? Travel the world? Knowing each person’s goals, you can work together to make them a reality.
6. Be supportive of each other. If one of you is trying to get out of debt, or save up for something big, be supportive. Offer encouragement and advice, but ultimately let them make their own decisions.
7. Seek professional help. If you’re having trouble managing your finances or can’t seem to agree on money matters, seek a financial planner to help you plan your path to financial freedom.
What’s the purpose of your money?
Your attitude to money is likely playing a big part in any money imbalances in your relationship.
The classic battle is between the saver and the spender or good and evil as I like to say.
The Force vs the Dark side or vice versa depending on your outlook, i.e. you can’t take it with you, no, but it would be nice to have some of it on the last day (maybe?)
There can be a constant tension between who and how you earn money and then spend it.
One person’s investment in football stickers or shoes is another person’s version of burning it. Its seen as more or less the same outcome. The money has gone, and there is nothing worth showing for it.
And now you need to return to work to pay it off or buy more crap/useful items.
Who’s is who’s and what’s what – right, that’s all clear.
How you decide to spend, save and invest your money is crucial to working together on an agreed plan.
If there is no joint plan or vision of what your money is for, you may pull in opposite directions.
Have you agreed on what the purpose of your money is? Is it for more stuff or more freedom?
Money imbalance in relationships can be a significant source of anxiety and stress.
For richer or poorer was the promise – OK, maybe it was a suggestion of how you could live your life together, but not if one would be richer and the other poorer.
Money issues in dating relationships and marriages can play a leading role in the ending, so here are a few ideas to try and ease the financial tension.
All I know is one of us is right, and the other one is you
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The big relationship killers (how many do you have?)
Not exactly a cheery bingo game but here goes
- Money – we get to that in a minute
- Family & Friends – do we have to see them again?
- Children – you can have as many as you like, just not with me!
- Sex – we’ve done it once this year that’s your lot.
In short, who decides how often, when and how all-cause tensions and arguments till death us do part (or divorce, then you can start having them all again with someone else)
It’s not my fault you thought I was normal – that’s on you
Unknown
Does money affect your relationships?
Err yes, it’s always someone’s money that is getting spent and it better not be mine, I hear you say.
- It’s the starter ordered when we said we were only doing mains!
- The additional Alexa for the bathroom to stay connected!
- The new shoes because the old ones don’t work in the autumn light!
All these microaggressions or slights can slowly chip away at your relationship.
If you find that one person controls all the money or thinks all the money is theirs, there might be an imbalance that needs to be addressed sooner rather than later.
Relationships are like a walk in the park, Jurassic park
Unknown
Money imbalance in relationships can be pivotal in affecting them for the better or worse.
Who earns the most? Tensions over money, especially who makes the most often sees one starting to control the others access and use of money. “My husband is controlling with money” is the classic case where the husband is earning the most leading to financial inequality in money and its use.
Who controls the money? If only one person makes all the decisions, it can feel like a dictatorship with the other “allowed” an allowance to live! Without equity in decision-making and access, resentment and growing tension will lead to resentment.
Are you keeping money secrets? Trying to keep secret what debts you have or how much you are spending is like a drunk driver looking for a wall to hit. Growing debts and spending without the income to pay it off will come to light sooner or later. The longer it goes on, the worse it will get when it comes out.
How do you decide to split the bills? Is it 50/50 or weighted on who earns what, i.e. the person that makes the most pays the most?
The restaurant bill is a classic example of this”, but you had two glasses of wine, and I had a soft drink!” “right hands up who had a starter and a sweet?”
Who does what in managing your household finances? Is there a clear separation, delegation and sharing of duties? Do you both feel in charge of your financial facts?
The above situations and questions highlight where tensions over control, transparency, clarity and accountability can arise over money and finances.
What’s the purpose of your money?
Your attitude to money is likely playing a big part in any money imbalances in your relationship.
The classic battle is between the saver and the spender or good and evil as I like to say.
The Force vs the Dark side or vice versa depending on your outlook, i.e. you can’t take it with you, no, but it would be nice to have some of it on the last day (maybe?)
There can be a constant tension between who and how you earn money and then spend it.
One person’s investment in football stickers or shoes is another person’s version of burning it. Its seen as more or less the same outcome. The money has gone, and there is nothing worth showing for it.
And now you need to return to work to pay it off or buy more crap/useful items.
Who’s is who’s and what’s what – right that’s all clear.
How you decide to spend, save and invest your money is crucial to working together on an agreed plan.
If there is no joint plan or joint vision of what your money is for then you may be pulling in opposite directions.
Have you agreed on what the purpose of your money is? Is it for more stuff or more freedom?
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.”
Will Ferrell
What’s your money script? (The right one, of course, there’s is wrong obvs)
Research by financial psychologist Brad Klontz has identified four money scripts or ways you might think about money. Are you any of these?
- Money avoider: Do you avoid money, thinking it is evil or something to be wary of? Rich people must be greedy, so you want nothing to do with them or become one.
- Money worshiper: More money will solve all my problems. They will never have enough money; the more money they have, the more happiness and power they will feel.
- Money status(er): Stuff, costly stuff, will bring you more status. Status brands are the must “oh is that the time” you say glancing at your Rolex.
- Money vigilant: Are you like a hawk watching your spending and budgeting? Frugality is your middle name; you like to save more than you want to spend.
Whichever one or more you are might help explain why you do what you do with your money and why they do what you do with YOUR money.
“My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.”
— Ray Romano
How to deal with money issues in a relationship
Right here we go into the viper’s nest of relationships, standby
Tell the truth
ARE YOU SERIOUS!!! Right that’s it I am outta here!
No, I’m serious tell the truth about what you earn, what you owe and what you spend your money on. OK, maybe not on the first marriage date, but soonish when it looks like it may be serious.
When they tell you how much they earn, notice how it makes you feel, do dollar signs light up or are you thinking, hmm, I ain’t paying for those poor choices? Better to know before you tie the knot.
Discuss your lifestyle ambitions
what are you aiming for, and is it compatible with them?
This may help prevent you from pulling in opposite directions of the spender and the saver, FOMO vs jomo (fear of missing out vs joy of missing out).
Do you want to buy and house, travel and or have kids all the things that will require money one way or another, and how would you like t plan for this or just wing it?
How will you balance spending vs saving?
What’s on your horizon, and when will you need the money?
Working together on a lifestyle financial plan will be a great way to share your vision and agree on how you will jointly reach it, balancing today’s needs with your future vision.
What type of holidays will you go on and how frequently?
Will you chase the Jones’s next door or live your own life?
Come clean about your debt
What you’re planning to do about it.
Debt is going to be the treacle you try and swim through to get to your ideal lifestyle if you take more on, it’s going to become more and more difficult.
How will you manage the debt you already have, and how will you decide if or what more debt to take on and when?
How will you jointly manage your finances?
A joint account could be a suitable method just as well as separate accounts if you both have transparency about what is happening.
One app available that will let you do this is Money Dashboard* which it brings all your financial info together to track and review.
Figure out your credit scores
Many free credit check agencies will give you your score and a few tips to increase your credit rating. Here are two CreditKaram and Clearscore
This type of check will also help uncover any skeletons in the closet or things you need to change to remove old relationships from your record.
Wanna see how people really are? Wait till money is involved…
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FAQ: Relationships and money
How to handle money in relationships?
It’s essential to be honest with each other about money from the beginning of the relationship.
Money is often a source of stress in relationships, so it’s best to be open and honest about your spending habits and financial situation from the start.
If you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s also essential to have regular money talks about ensuring both partners are financially on the same page.
Couples should discuss budgeting, retirement savings, and debt repayment. Having regular money talks can help prevent money-related arguments down the road.
How does money affect relationships?
Money can affect relationships in both positive and negative ways.
For example, money can help couples to feel more secure and stable in their relationship, and it can provide a sense of comfort and convenience.
However, money can also cause tension and conflict between couples, mainly if one person handles the finances while the other doesn’t or if one is the spender and the other is the saver causing conflict over how and what to use the money for.
Summary: Money imbalance in relationships
Without a few changes in your money behaviours and habits, you might continue to have money issues in a marriage or your relationships.
Control over money is never a good way to start or continue a relationship. You need to figure out how the spender and the saver can coexist – maybe you need a financial lifestyle plan?
Come clean and share the damage. Better to come clean asap and start paying off the debt or get a refund for what you maybe could have done without buying.
Share responsibilities for managing your joint money leading towards your hopes and dreams for a good life together.
Decide what you really really really want and how to use your money to get it.
Plan for what you want, how to get it and deal with bumps in the road, i.e. redundancy, house or car emergencies, oh yeah and global pandemics when nearly everything stops.
Separate – will you keep some AGREED money separate for you to splurge without the guilt?
Financial coaching
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